PREAMBLE. By accessing this website (the "Site"), you ("you," "the reader," "the scroller," or "the witness") acknowledge that you have read, understood, ignored, or pretended to read these Terms & Conditions ("Terms," "The Long Bit," or "Section 1 of 9,487").1
1. Acceptance of Terms
1.1. By scrolling further, you agree to continue scrolling.
1.2. By breathing, you consent to having your breathing monitored.2
1.3. By existing within proximity of a screen, you are now a party to this agreement.
2. The Pets
2.1. Pets are sold as-is, emotionally and metaphysically.
2.2. No guarantees are made regarding blinking, honesty, or sleep schedules.
2.3. The Mysterious Turtle has not blinked since 2019. This is not a defect.
2.4. Customers acknowledge that all geese possess independent legal standing and may, at any time, file complaints on your behalf.
2.5. The cat owns the company. You do not.
3. Warranties
3.1. Warranty Status: Complicated.
3.2. Section 42.7.b may or may not apply depending on lunar conditions.
3.3. Void where prohibited. Prohibited where void. Everywhere else, also complicated.
4. Refunds
4.1. Refunds are discussed, not guaranteed.
4.2. All refund requests are filed under "Considered" and remain there indefinitely.
4.3. The company reserves the right to reserve additional rights related to refunds.
5. Privacy
5.1. We are watching your shopping journey.
5.2. Your data is encrypted with feelings.
5.3. We have your address. We always had it.
6. Liability
6.1. The company is not responsible for geese.
6.2. The company is not responsible for non-geese that act like geese.
6.3. The company is not responsible for itself.
7. Termination
7.1. You may terminate this agreement at any time by ceasing to exist.
7.2. We may terminate this agreement at any time without notice, explanation, or regret.
8. Miscellaneous
8.1. Nothing on this page constitutes advice.
8.2. Nothing on this page constitutes a contract.
8.3. Everything on this page is a contract.3
8.4. The moon is not responsible for our policies.
8.5. Inventory is a state of mind.
9. Final Provisions
9.1. By reading this sentence you have agreed to it retroactively.
9.2. By reading this footer you have agreed to the footer.
9.3. Sections 10 through 9,487 are available upon written request to a goose.
1 Footnote: There are, in fact, 9,487 sections. We have not read them all either.
2 Footnote: This footnote is unrelated to the previous clause.
3 Footnote: This clause references itself recursively. Please disregard section 8.4.
© 2026 Questionable Pets™. "Our Decisions Surprise Us Too."